I hate how I can't stop thinking, you know? Are you the type of person whose head always sounds like the terminal of a Airport because so many thoughts are zooming by, and it feels as if you are standing still watching all the world go by? I feel that way so much right now, all I can do is look at my feet, close my eyes, and rub my head in pain. It honestly hurts to think. Mixing the insomnia, stress, and depression causes my mind to go off on so many roads it's hard to keep up with me when I do talk.

I've been really quiet lately, because I have nothing of value to say. I've been so lethargic and obsequious too...so out of my character. Usually, I'm the type of person to have a moral ground and make judgments off that, but I can't now. It's like some unforeseen thing is blocking me from making my decisions. I think Laurel had a huge imprint on my life, and forever will. I believe she made me who I am today. That is the reason for my song on my page. It is such a great sounding song, of course, but it's also just how I feel. I can't not think about the past, even though I said that I was over it. I wish I could...it's too much a part of me for me to shut out. Maybe in time, I'll be as closed off as I used to be...maybe I'll stay as a very passive person and maybe this is a new chapter of my life.

When I go down to Pulse/Surreal, its also how I feel. It's like how my heart has a pulse, but it's on auto-pilot, and not doing the things it should be. How I should be trusting of people, and how I should be over this, and how I shouldn't care that she's fucking someone else, and that he "loves" her. All I can do now is sigh, shake my head and hope for some rain. Maybe tonight I'll take a walk and think about what's happened this year some more...

Printemps Emeraude is about a person getting over depression and seeing the beauty in life. I picked that song because I love it's meaning. I love how naïve it is, or rather, how naïve I am for being like that. How I still find beauty, but how I'm so depressed...I'll never understand me. Born is relatively the same.

Ruines Humaines is a very sappy song, but it's great. It's describing lethargy, or rather apathy in its purest form. My apathy is caused by depression and my lack of trust, but I am still rather apathetic for someone who cares so much. It's a contradiction, I know, but it's who I am. Nobody matters anymore, and they probably never will, but hey, maybe I'll move on completely some day, and I'll be happy again, finding that bliss I once found. I'll forever search for it, but I may never find it again. Having it for that brief moment that I did made me crave it, like a drug, so I will forever be addicted.

Fatigue is basically about the Fatigue of love, and what it's like to be in love...what it's like to be left...what it's like to love again, even though you know you shouldn't. It's what I go through, it's my thoughts.

Through my haze of insomnia and depression, I see light. I honestly do see a brighter future. I just don't know which road is the right one. Which one has the more bountiful side to it? I mean, Brooke is a gorgeous girl, and she cares about me, and I care for her enough to hurt anyone who hurts her, to protect her, and I'd care for her, and maybe in time, love her again. Caitlyn is like a sister to me, on the other hand, who would do the same for me, even if it meant her life. I honestly don't know and it drives me insane to think about losing either one.

I'm just so fed up with people. I'm tired of hearing these thoughts...

"You love her, don't you..."
"Why?"
"Why would you go through this again, so soon?"
"You haven't seen her in so long"
"Get it out of your head; you're a piece of shit. She just wants to use you too..."
"Just leave her be...she doesn't want you"
"Just move on..."

"...You're not going to, are you?"
"You're going to get hurt again"
"This is going to kill you one way or another"

I'm honestly tired of that...my conscious tells me to do otherwise what I think I'm going to do, but I can't listen to it, because I crave so much what I have lost.

I'm tired of being fooled and used. I try not to become attached because the people I always become attached to use me and then I realize why I don't trust.

fuck you, Karma.

I love Lifelover, and somehow they go through phases with me. What I mean by that is that I listen to them religiously, then I don't listen to them at all. I was going through the latter when Dekadens came out. Konkurs and Erotik were my favorite releases, hitting both Depressive Rock tones, like Katatonia, and hitting high pitched ghost howls, thanks to Kim Carlsson. I will say that I was eager to hear Non's drumming, since their last drummer, S, left the band earlier this year.

Dekadens follows the same techniques and sounds as Konkurs, but it doesn't flow as well. I'll admit there were a few catchy songs on Dekadens, but really the only ones I liked a lot and worked their way into my favorite Lifelover songs were Lethargy and Myspys. Most of the songs were sloppy, and followed the same techniques on drums. The saving point of the EP was the vocals by Kim, which are always good, especially in his work in his solo band, Hypothermia.

Now, I don't hate Dekadens, but I will say it's not the best Lifelover release, and it's by far not the worst. I don't like their Promo at all, really. It's like an album that you can't skip tracks on. I will say that once they found their sound, this is the worst release. Pulver, their most raw release is even better then Dekadens.

I thought the whole 5 or 6 guitar track thing is getting old. I thought they'd go for a different way to produce their ambience. The bass is rarely heard in the album, unlike in Konkurs and Erotik, where you can clearly hear everything the bass does. I'm not much for bass, but it does make Lifelover who they are when you can hear the bass. The synth and piano tracks are great as always, but at times they seem a little lifeless, which is rare, especially for this band. B usually does a great job at piano tracks, as well as his spoken tracks, which seemed to also be non-existant.

I hope the next full length really isn't anything like this release, because this one, though short, is pretty shitty for a Lifelover release. The shortness just adds to that, I think. They should've just passed this EP, and made a full length that flowed better then this one. I wouldn't suggest that you start with this EP, rather, start with Erotik, go to Konkurs, Pulver and then this one, because of all the reasons said.

So with the last of the three reviews this week coming into play, Marduk wins album of the year with Wormwood. I know what some people will think..."How Original...a Black Metal band...", but no, Marduk has astounded me this year.

Wormwood opens with "Nowhere, No One, Nothing", a great opener, starting with a rise of power, leading up to an amazing song, which focuses on a lot of techniques, mostly alternate picking and power chord harmony changes. Unlike with Rom 5:12, Wormwood is fast, in your face, all 46 minutes of depraved fucked up lyrics and great vocal work by Mortuus (also of Funeral Mist, a crappier knock off Marduk band)

The first single, Phosphorous Redeemer, is a great single, and was released in early September on the band's Myspace profile. I was so astounded that it incorporated sounds from Those of the Unlight, Plague Angel, and World Funeral...It was as if they got Af Gravf and Legion back into the studio to help Mortuus to sing.

Most of the songs have really lulzy titles, like "Chorus of Cracking Necks", which not only lulzy, but it has a badass ring to it...I mean shit, who would think of that but Morgan and Mortuus? The chorus to that song is pretty depraved too:

"Swaying your blood over the holy chairs
Over the Black Madonna
Swaying your blood over the holy chairs
Over the thirteen stairs

...On this chorus of cracking necks"

As simplistic as it is, it still has a depraved feel to it.

When it comes to the instrumental parts without Mortuus singing, the album does kind of feel out of place, as if it is missing it's long lost twin or something. Mortuus' vocals bring the album together.

I first heard this album on September 16th, a day before my birthday, and the first day it got leaked on the internet and all I could think is "thank you, marduk...". I would buy this album from them, had I the money to do so, but I don't. Don't be like me and download it. Go the fuck to ebay and purchase it. I'm serious. Mortuus will rape your shit if you don't. He always watches.

TL;DR: I rarely give this, but...100/100

Well, here's the band I was least expecting to release anything after the death of Layne Staley in 2002. I've always had sort of a fascination with this band, and even though they are a grungy, stonerish mess sometimes, hell, they make me more nostalgic then any other band, especially with this new album.

Jerry Cantrell picks up a LOT of the singing, especially on "Check My Brain", the second single from the album. His voice really fits with William DuVall, who replaced Layne. I was surprised how much their voices together sounded like the Staley/Cantrell combo of the 90's. Jerry's solos have become more atmospheric and a lot heavier too, giving BGWTB a really heavy, grungy atmosphere.

The drums are a lot more blues oriented in this release then in any other, which followed traditional rock/metal style, but on "Your Decision" (the third single) among others, you can hear a bluesier tempo and atmosphere to the rhythm. Some songs are relatively heavy, such as "Acid Bubble", "A Looking in View" (first single), and "Private Hell", while others are soothing, such as "Your Decision" and the title song, "Black Gives Way To Blue".

My favorite track had to be "Acid Bubble" because it was so crushing and filled with rifftastic nonsense squealing around, making all other songs on the album feel obsolete when compared. I mean, the song is almost crushing, almost like an Electric Wizard feel without the Sabbath influences.

"Black Gives Way To Blue" features a piano performance by none other then Elton John, who did a beautiful combination of his classic sounds with Cantrell's dark and moody riffs.

All in all, I was so impressed, I'd say that other then Facelift from 1990, this is my favorite Alice album, which makes me feel like shit, because I feel like I'm betraying Layne for all the good songs he gave us - "Them Bones", "Down In A Hole", "Would?" - all great, but this album tops them. Oh well...he's dead and there's no looking back. Buy the album...Not on ITunes, Not on fucking Napster, not online...go to your local store (Best Buy or Target has it cheapest around here), and purchase it. If they're sold out, then cockslap the clerk and start demanding that they order new ones.

TL;DR: 98.9/100

First, let me apologize for the lack of reviews coming in. I have been very busy with getting a job, as well as working on my relationship and my living situation. I'll make this up to you by doing three reviews in one week. That being said...

Here's my review on Urgehal's Ikonoklast

Urgehal has always amazed me, and to me is one of the last good Black Metal bands. With the release of Ikonoklast, they still show that, if not multiply that feeling. Everything seems to be in place. What I did like about Ikonoklast was that it followed a new music formula, with less blast beats, and more focusing on black/death oriented guitars. Vocally, the album is lacking, but I think that it fits for the new sound they acquired.

The Drums to Ikonoklast seem to be a lot more about keeping rhythm then actually making a blasty mess. Some songs do have a lot of blast beats, like Dodelagt, but most seem to be less blast oriented, and more focused on actual drum techniques, especially the double roll fill.

Guitar wise, the album is phenomenal, and the instrumental parts show that Urgehal has lost nothing when it comes to Black Metal. Most of the riffs are power chord oriented or alternate picking simplistic black metal style riffs. Solos in the album are amazing, more technical then Urgehal has ever been, and I have to say it impressed me a lot, especially after hearing the new Gwar, and being disappointed with the soloing techniques. Though the album has been out for a total of 2 hours as I post this, I can say, it was a great find. Yes, I downloaded it like the pirate I am, but with the lack of money and patience for online delivery, it was my only choice.

The Artwork is pretty simplistic, but effective. It is a stone-esque figure standing with his arms raised, whilst a black cloud storms overhead. A large band logo with "Ikonoklast" written underneath it, go between the man's arms. I actually really liked the art, as compared to (yet again) Gwar, who's new album art was just retarded.

Honestly, I'd fellate all the members of the band for making such a great release...Go out and buy it, I mean, shit, what else can you do with the money you're not spending on crack?

TL;DR: 93/100.

First let me start by saying that I have listened to Gwar a good portion of my life, and have enjoyed every album of theirs in a different way. To make my opinions unbiased about Gwar, I have thought they have dramatically decreased their potential in the last two albums, War Party and Beyond Hell. This being said, I can say that I thoroughly listened to the ENTIRE Lust In Space album. I enjoyed it from start to finish.

There were a few points when I was literally laughing my ass off because of the skit in the song "Where Is Zog?". I really enjoyed the tracks "Let Us Slay", "Metal Metal Land" and "Power Shot" as well, which were (in my opinion) the best tracks on the album. I can say without a doubt that "Metal Metal Land" had the best lyrics like "where everyone must rock and every girl sucks every cock" (more or less).

The guitar was mediocre however, the solos just sounded detuned and noise/ambient like squeeling all the time. That was the downfall of this album, which sucked, because I was hoping Gwar would pull some technical stuff.

The bass in Lust... was unheard, which is unusual for Gwar, because usually you hear Beefcake's bass alot.

The Drums were superior to the last two albums and I was impressed at how Jizmak got some fast double bass, then switched to polymeters in a few seconds. It was intense.

Overall I'd say buy the album, because if you like Gwar, you'll enjoy this album. Steal money from the Pentagon if you have to.

TL;DR version: 86.5/100

My review on Behexen's From the Devil's Chalice:

God, what the FUCK happened to Behexen? It's almost blasphemy to their name to say anything bad, but I'll try my best.

It kind of sucks that I have to even say one unkind word about this album, since I had such high hopes for it. Behexen's new mediocre album, From the Devil's Chalice came out on June 6th of 2009. When I first picked it up I knew something was off, but I continued to proceed to listen. To be honest, the opening is like One by Metallica. Not musically, but its fucking epic all around, I mean Shit...its just in your face blast beats and screaming, with fast paced melodic guitars, the problem is that after the first track, well everything sounds so much alike. Its just one long song that doesn't seem to end, no matter what you do. Even the best songs should not be so repetitive. Torog's vocals were turned down way to much for me to take the album serious. In fact, it seems like the entire album was more focused on Horns' blast beats and Reaper's guitar parts.

The album art is way too simple for a Behexen album. It's just two crossed chalices entwined with snakes over their band logo. Though I do admit that it is a good album art, it just doesn't have the impact like all the earlier artwork.

Every bad album has at least one good thing, and Behexen's good thing is the drums. Holy shit, it sounded like Horns was playing the drums with his dick as well as his hands and feet. Sometimes the blast beats would get up to near 275 bpm (beats per minute). Reaper and Gargantum's guitar parts sounded normal, just a little louder.

At times, this album seemed like an EP, because of its shortness (its just under 30 minutes). Thats nothing bad, its just weird that they would make such a short album, but whatever works for them. I mean since By the Blessing of Satan, they just havn't been tickling my pickle with a silver nickel if you catch my drift.

It pains me to say this, but pass this album by and shun it. It's a black mark on Behexen's greatness. Its not worth the 7.99 I saw it priced for. Hell it's not worth 3.50. I don't even know what to say when I listen to this album. It's near the worst black metal album of 2009.

TLDR version: take a ten inch dildo made of black rubber and ram it up your ass. Thats how this album sounded (and felt to listen to.)

My Review on Marilyn Manson's The High End of Low

Ah yes, the illustrious Marilyn Manson. I figured that since I haven't given him a chance since Holy Wood, I'd give The High End of Low a listen, and I will say that he impressed me. He moved on from being about shocking the audience, and moved toward being more about the music, which is what I love in an artist. I found it a little annoying how every song except a few were acousticy/ambient failures. I loved his voice, but the acoustic songs needed to leave and stay out. The bass and drums were simple as always, but effective at redeeming the acoustic things he was doing.

The album art? Just his face with some strange colors and the album title. Nothing fancy.

I will say this: I am glad that I downloaded the album and not bought it, because they want 9.99 at Best Buy and that's about 4 dollars too high in my book. There is also a special edition for 14.99, which comes with a bunch of remixes, and that's pointless because his remixes are always worse then his actual music,

In essence: Mediocre except for a couple of tracks. Unless you're a die-hard MM Fan (James...) then don't buy it.

My Review on Cradle of Filth's Godspeed on the Devil's Thunder:

The first sort of black metal band I ever heard was Cradle of Filth, and though I've moved on I still listen to their stuff from time to time. I honestly say that the Midian - Thornography era of their music was horrid. Godspeed on the Devil's Thunder was an amazing comeback for Extreme/Gothic/Black/Symphonic metal band, Cradle of Filth. I can say with a full heart, however, that if their next album is shit, I will loose all faith and I will take back any good words I have said about this album bringing them from the depths of the Gothy/Symphonic shithole they dug.

The riffs in the songs are a lot like stuff which is from, From the Cradle to Enslaved EP, however Dani's vocals are a lot more growly and less of the high pitched screaming that was so common on From the Cradle. Martin Skaroupka is an amazing drummer, and his beats always fit no matter what genre he plays. I especially liked the track (and the video) Honey and Sulphur.

I must say that the album art for Godspeed is strange indeed. It depicts Guilles De Rais, a convicted cerial killer and satanist, but it shows his face with all the emotions from sad, to blank to angry/homocidal. Also on the album art is a sillouette of Tiffauges, complete with Joan of Arc burning at the steak. There are also three angels, an unnamed angel who seems to be whispering into Guilles' ear, Baron, who seems to also be whispering into Guilles ear, and the angel of Death, who is in the bottom left corner, and seems to be calling him. More detail shifts to the bottom right hand corner, where there are 3 children who seem to be praying to god.

I got to say, that when I bought this album (to complete my collection) I was shocked at how much they came back. Its different to hear Dani strictly growling (except for background screams), yet continuing to have a symphonic feel to it. Its well worth the 12.50 I payed, but if you don't enjoy Dani's new type of screaming, then don't get this album because you'd rather have two spiked dildos shoved in your ear.

All in all (in case you TLDR'ed most of that): shell out some money and give Cradle a Second Chance, assclown.